todae morning wake up at 5.30am to call ops room to reported sick... den when back to bed n zzz, den wake up at bout 8.50am to see doctor not feeling well, doctor give me 1 dae MC. den go n hav breakfast after tat take bus go hm n hav a quick bath, take medication n switch on my computer watch movie at tudou, juz finishing watching bu lao chuan shuo... quite nice e show but veri old drama already, bout zoombie... now not feeling any mood...

no matter wat thing i willing to do for u, but e result in the end still e same i will never be happie but will be sad... It's hard to begin happie... all i can said is: life is so meanless...

i hav keeping all e words tat i wan to say in my heart... i reali wanted to tell u i reali lyk u, n wanna be wit u... but i still can't say out, maybe i hav lost my confidence... n juz afraid tat u will avoid me n i will lose a frend lyk u... But now i dun care bout all tis, i juz wan u to noe i reali lyk u n wanna be wit u, no matter how hard e path tat u are walking, i'm willing to accompany u to walk though the end of e path.


I promise u: I will always show care n concern for u, stay by ur side no matter wat happened n never leave u aside.


I promise u: I will always protect u, everydae, every hour, every min n every seconds.


I promise u: I will never do anything stupid or watever thing tat will hurt u so badly.


I promise u: let me be the one who suffer e pain n everything for u alright.


I promise u: I will bright up ur life full of joy n happy at all times



I reali mean all the words tat i said... i reali lyk u n wanna be wit u...

malaysia trip

todae wake damn early go for breakfast, den go take train to kranji den transfer to bus going to woodland checkpoint... e malaysia customs damn crowded sia, lot of ppl... after tat go to shopping mall n go eat mac, after eating we go shopping i hav bought a polo tee shirt, a pair of everlast shoes n a poker belt... den go slack... after tat take cab to holidae plaza to shop n nth to buy over dere... den go n hav dinner... after tat time to go back hm liao... so tiring...

todae was a boring outing wit my brothers...

go jurong point to meet my frend, den we go arcade juz watching ppl playing game n do nth over dere den me n my frend go walk out of arcade den we saw so many ah beng outside of e arcade. i suspect they r waiting to beat someone, me n my frend didn't care bout them n juz walk off... we go eat long john tgt, damn full sia... i order combo 1 n one potato salad, e potato salad damn nice muz try... after we go somewhere slack awhile, i heard my frend he aready submitted his online form to SPF to become a regular police officer after he ORD in Ns... but i tell him i dun noe wan to sign on anot? if i wan to sign on can de, if next tym i work outside my paid so low... if i sign on, my paid will hav 1k plus... now me still consider wheather to sign on anot, now my HEAD BIG BIG ar... still thinking... den we take 193 bus go arena to pool... play until 1200am, den take cab go hm... so sian... Tml going to malaysia for 1 dae trip... enjoy...

yesterdae nitez so lucky sia, raining dun nid go patrol all e way stay in ops room... after a while it was veri heavy rain, n i go locked e gym without wearing rain-coat... juz kena a bit of rain n i feel a bit cold while in ops room. my buddy bought some hari raya crackers for us to eat damn nice sia. n i eat some cream lemon biscuit n i hav bought myself a packet of nasi-ayam n peel fresh apple juice n small bottle of water. den it's our turn to TOD liao... at sentry hut boring sio, me stand at outside Emo alone. but dun feel lyk talking, juz glazing at e rain... after tat my buddy ask me wan to eat Mcchicken burger, i reply dun wan n they told me juz take sir treat us mac... den i say ok lor... den i feel hungry i eat my nasi-ayam tat i hav bought. todae morning 5.30am den i eat e mcchicken burger. until 8.00am go hm rest...

Ns life so boring...

todae working damn boring sia... i talk to my frend u so good lor 7 more mth ORD aready, me still hav to serve another 17 more mth... can't wait to finish Ns asap... den i go ask my sir can a pply leave on sundae, he reply can... yeah!!! so good sundae going to malaysia for 1 dae wit my brother n mom. Got to buy alot of stuff... can't wait to go malaysia on sundae, coz long tym never go le. since i enlistment to ns, working so no tym to enjoy... got to enjoy now if not reali regret...


update soon... =)

boring life

todae whole dae doing nth at hm... so sian... haiz, my leg now abit zhong sia... dun noe why maybe e boots tat i wearing in work ba.

Maybe i'm not worth for u to luv me n to care for me... i'm not any better den u guys hav a good future ahead... everything tat i do is suck, nth goes well to me at all... sadness is always on me, but happiness will never come forever... =(


no one will cares bout me...

haiz, yesterdae i was totally whole dae no mood ok... feeling so sad... while i was working wit my frend, i stand near e main entrance alone by myself n didn't hav mood to joke n talk wit them.



Actually i wanted to tell u tat i reali lyk u... I noe tat u are sad n down, n oso noe it's hard to accept... But i reali veri sad to see u in tis state, n i oso noe tat watever i do will never touched ur heart, but i will not give up easily i will do my veri best to make u forget bout e past n e unhappie memory. i will make u happie at all time without fail juz to see u smile again :) When u are sad, i will always stay by ur side n lent u my shoulder to lie on it. If u cry, i will give u a tissues to wipe ur tears. If u get hurts, let me be e wan who suffer e pain, hurts n everything for u. When u are happie, let's share e happiness n everything together... In my heart u are a only ger i like, no one can be replaced...Everything tat i willing to do for u, It's worth it...

Times will healed e wounds...

I will always be dere for u...

no matter how much i do for u oso no use, coz i noe tat u still lyk ur ex-bf veri much... nowadae i dun hav any wei kou to eat anything at all... for me my health is not important den anything else, most important is i care for u is enough... reali hope tat u can give me a chance...

yesterdae wake up damn late, no work todae coz i apply leave so far no one disturb me... afternoon 4.15pm leave house going to arena meet my brothers playing pool at dere. i lost quite many times, me so noob... den we meet our another bro at jurong east entertainment to celebrate his gf birthdae. n he brought a cake for her, den we walk to science centre n we go to sakura book a seat n all of us r here. so we went in to hav our food so nice sia, me n my frend go take more food, got sushi, laksa, seafood, chicken hotdog, tian ping, cake n shark fin... we enjoy e food so much... we eat until so full, lazy to walk. finish our dinner we go outside slack n take some of e pic...

den todae i feeling so down...haiz... wat should i do next? =(

dun ask me why i hav become lyk tis... juz lyk me be...

Haiz...

sian

todae wake up so early to go for breakfast, after breakfast take train to bukit gombak n transfer a shuttle bus to BBDC to register n wanted to book a theory for todae. but so sad, tis mth was full booked, n next mth nov i hav work sia so canot muz wait until dec den hav place... wow so long sia... den after tat go hm le.

now i was thinking back bout wat my buddy has juz say to me, u should go n study again when u ORD to get a good GPA. but i say my GPA is low the percentage of getting to higher nitec is risky... i noe tat i will never make it... my nitec cert is juz considered as N lvl... my future now is gone, n i can't go any further...i'm not any better den u guys n capable of everything tat u can do... i such a failure ok... i reali give up on myself, i do not hav any hope to pin on... even e ger i reali lyk i oso noe tat i'm not worth to be wit her... wat if i tell u i reali lyk u n wanna be wit u, ur ans sure will be no, u sure will avoid me de... everything tat i do is suck... =(

yesterdae was working in e nitez shift, until 9plus i not feeling well... but never report sick to my sir at all... i juz hack care about my health, den i was wit my buddy tgt working n we chat alot... I reali hope n congrate my buddy tat he will pass e interview to become a regular police officer, my sense tell me tat he will make it. N my buddy ask me wan to sign on, i reply i dun noe if i sign on they will give shit work to do... den he told me tat they will ask u wat posting u wan, den i reply ok. i ask my buddy, CID n CNB nitec cert can, he told me canot but muz hav higher nitec considerate as O lvl n dipoma cert den can. den i tell him, i wan sign on to CID or CNB, since u tell me canot den i will not sign on, becoz i can't even get in to higher nitec so forget about it... den my buddy ask me to study den i tell him my GPA so low canot la... no hope already... den i at ops room i feel myself veri uncomfortable, coz not feeling well... so no choice hav to bear wit it until morning... todae morning eat breakfast wit my buddy at canteen i buy myself a instant noodles, bread n soya bean. my buddy told me tat e guy was standing hav dropped his warrant card on e floor without knowing it, n i walk beside him n pick up his warrant card n returned to him, n he sae to me thank you veri much. if we did'nt notice, he will hav to make a police report, veri troublesome. finished breakfast we went back to ops room n conducted flag-rasing. wait for next team to come den we go hm... after tat i go to ATM to withdraw money to see doctor, take bus for 15min-20min... see e doctor oso quite cheap coz i'm regular patient den never increase at all juz for me. finish seeing doctor den i go eat something for lunch... den go back hm bath n take my medication...

no one will understand me n noe how i feel at all... you will never noe...

About myself, i guess maybe i'm not a better guy after all ba... tis is wat i think bout myself...

todae morning came back frm duty, yesterdae nitez i was reali veri angry wit tat person tat i reali can't stand him at all... wat was he trying to tell me? telling me tat he is big fuck or watever thing tat he do is rite... if u reali wan to talk to me, talk to me in a nice manner, but he talk to me veri rude. when i was at locker he come n talk to me n say u tonitez better dun be funny... when i was packing my thing i got shock, i never even offended him at all n tis is how he talk to me. wtf!!! i dun care u big fuck or watever la... If u reali not happie wit me or watever come n talk to me face to face... be a man lah... n i reali dun lyk to work wit him sia... n i told my buddy bout tis incident, my buddy say he veri fuck up, attitude problem n lyk to sabo ppl...n my buddy told me dun care bout him, i reply my buddy say i can't be bother wit him. he still left two more mth to ORD. i reali wish he can quickly get out of my sight.

Todae go down to town alone... no mood to shop, den went to arcade play maxium tune3... after tat go ms for a while den go mac buy ice-cream only... n i didn't eat my lunch coz no mood to eat... feeling so sad tis few daes. haiz... den go to harbourfront find my frend at shops. i think after my ORD i going to work as promoter. den walk walk at vivo, den go to arcade for a while... den go hm liao...


Tonitez got to work nitez shift... haiz no mood to work... =(

haiz, todae reali not in a mood to work... sad... while i was doing duty, i saw a group of student they hav quite a lot of frends tgt going out... i reali feel happie for them... but me i hav not much frends at all... haiz... sad... thinking back to last tym, i was working in pastamania n i saw a group of ppl celebrate birthdae wit his frend happily... n i feel happie for e guy tat hav lot of frend celebrate wit him. but for me every year my birthdae comes no one celebrate wit me... feeling so sad... but it's ok la... i used to it le... Next year my birthdae coming i noe tat no one will celebrate wit me de... maybe i hav no much frend ba... After tat finish duty go patrol wit my frend, feeling so sad while patrol... haiz...den finish duty go hm le...


=(

i felt tat i'm reali useless, no matter how much i do will never make u happie... haiz...


Tml i hav no mood to work at all... =(

Maybe wo zai ni xin mu zhong not so important ba... no matter how much i do for u oso no use... haiz, everything hav change... reali change... =(

I will willing to accompany u to walk down tis time of darkness, without leaving u...


Everything tat i say now is reali frm my heart...

todae wake up late to work... reach base 8.15am... den do my duty, halfway mediacorp came to shooting an ad of some of our SOC troop for a short video of next year or next esp of crime watch. n my buddy haffiz was oso got shooting in an act while hit e ''dong''... den go patrol wit my team mate n saw e trooper wear e uniform damn cool man. den go to canteen to eat breakfast. after tat went down to sentry damn sian sia... i feel sad when in sentry hut... dun noe why... den until at nitez finish go hm le...

todae i was emo e whole dae... went to suntec walk walk n den go arcade awhile play catcher wanna kena e winnie e pooh so cute oso. but never kena. den go to ms play catcher again. i play catcher n i kena e bear...



I feeling so emo...

yesterdae came back frm work n rest for awhile den afternoon go find my brothers at jurong east entertainment. den i went to ice-skating to find them. me n my frend sit dere watching them skating. after tat me n my frend went to skate. my first tym in ice-skating sia. hav to support my frend n skate. my frend oso fell down. me n my frend skate tgt n i fell down, my frend hold me up. after tat i go skate alone by myself, n i skate halfway lost my balance i fell down infront of one girl, i damn pai seh sia n get up by myself n trying to balance in e end lost balance fell again. after tat my frend was skating happie in e end he oso fell down. finishing ice-skating at 7.30pm. den went to hav our dinner at mac. finish dinner slack awhile rounds thinking where to go, at last going to jp. waiting for 79 bus so long sia... reach jp at bout 9.30pm. went to arcade wit my frends. i spent quite alot of money in arcade bcoz of tat catcher nearly wan to kena e mickey mouse damn cute. but nver kena... den my frend spent $22 to play slacker n wanna kena ps3. but never kena at all... todae not our lucky dae... den go slack around after tat go hm.

Todae i was reali hav no mood to do anything... haiz...

everything affect my mood...

Todae working i was damn sad... n did not do well in my work, everything affect my mood... haiz... n i oso dun care wheather i do well or not... juz hack care... no mood in everything... coz i noe no one will cares bout me, n wat for i care bout myself... i was useless... always useless... Arghhhh!!!!!!

sad =(

Todae i hav been sad for whole dae... n i did not hav wei kou to eat juz eat a little, watever thing i do reali hav no mood to do it... reali feeling sad n down... u will never noe how i feeling rite now... haiz... why why why!!!!!!!

For u to noe...

I noe tat u are sad n down, n oso noe it's hard to accept... But i reali veri sad to see u in tis state, n i oso noe tat watever i do will never touched ur heart, but i will not give up easily i will do my veri best to make u forget bout e past n e unhappie memory. i will make u happie at all time without fail juz to see u smile again :) When u are sad, i will always stay by ur side n lent u my shoulder to lie on it. If u cry, i will give u a tissues to wipe ur lei. If u get hurts, let me be e wan who suffer e pain, hurts n everything for u. When u are happie, let's share e happiness n everything together... In my heart u are a only ger i like, no one can be replaced...

Everything tat i willing to do for u, It's worth it...


Times will healed e wounds...


I will be dere for u...